How to Attract Women

To be a little honest, I am using the above title as a gimmick.  This is just what happened to me.  So basically, this is how to gain my attention.

Usually when I am walking past all these men they just look me in the eye and wait till I pass before they speak to my back.  Now to be fair, I do have an amazing back view.  But you are not going to gain any favourable attention when speaking to my back. My ears just aren’t built that way.  Seriously.

So yesterday, this young man walks up to me.  He starts by saying this:

“Good morning ma’am.  I would just like to compliment you on the way you always look.  This dress is particularly beautiful on you.”

SWOON right? Now he wasn’t ugly.  And he also wasn’t eye-catchingly handsome.  You want to know who was handsome? The rather buff construction worker who would make eye contact with my shoulder blades.  So anyhow, he continues:

“Here is my card.  Feel free to call me if you would like to spend some time getting to know me.”

Really? I mean, Steve Harvey came out with this book, see.  And then a movie, right? And apparently, these moves were all in there.  EXCEPT! His name and number was written on the back of someone else’s card. A rather ingenuous move on his part, if a lil cheap. (I appreciate cheap in my current situation.  See previous blog entry for further details.

I AM SERIOUS HERE!  The man made me feel like the absolute lady, that I absolutely am,  by calling me ‘ma’am’ and not ‘princess’ or ’empress’ or ‘reds’ or ‘family’.  I think that last one really gets me upset…family? Are we Alabama now? Is incest the new sexy and I didn’t get the memo? I hope not.  Because ‘Family’ gets you perve-zoned in a red-hot minute.  And that will not be pretty.  Think about the children.

So question: was I really treated like a lady? Or was I just a victim of a movie plot?  I really hope not.  I really hope that I met a young, confident man who treated me like a lady.

So, Brotip checklist from a woman:

  • Approach a woman with respect
  • Be willing to take ‘no’ for an answer, but leave her with the option to change her mind
  • Go with confidence, not cockiness
  • She does not owe you anything if you paid her a compliment
  • If she returns the compliment, act graciously.

Now if only, I had told him how well his jeans fit…


The Independence Conundrum

Moving out is a big step isn’t it!

So great to finally get the time and space to do what you want! Partying til 7:00 am and then grabbing a shower to head out to work for 9:00am! And the best part? No one to wonder why you are not home yet – isn’t single life the GREATEST!

And it really sucks when there is laundry to be done, and cleaning to be done…and housework.

If I had wanted to do housework, I would have gotten MARRIED! Sweet beehive of love, no! I moved out to go out.  Now I am too poor to hang out.  CASE IN POINT: I spent no money on clothes bought a headband, did not lime went cinema ONCE this month, did not eat out…as much.  And I cannot wait for pay-day.  I am literally too scared to go to the grocery.

So where is the line, people? Where is the line? I need more money for sure.  Unfortunately/Fortunately, I love where I work.  So I would be hard-pressed to leave for the sake of just a thousand dollars more…MOMMY!!! I appreciate you!!!! MAMMAY! Anyhow, back to being a grown up – I have learned to cook (a bit).  Therefore, all the liming now takes place at my house.  Where I cook.  If I am lucky, I can get help with the dishes.

Anyhow, the path that you have planned for yourself is never as smooth as you wish it to be.  After all, was it not that esteemed philosopher, Stephen King, that said that dreamers fade faster than dreams? Well, I think that if I keep getting paid to work in a great industry, with a great boss, and keep trying to be cheap economical.  After all, I have recently discovered that Rachel Ray gives awesome cooking advice, and I made my very own pizza crust from scratch, yo! just this week.

Just remember to add oregano.  Life is a little better with oregano.

Relationships are like Sweating

I don’t believe that relationships should be entirely unconditional.

I believe that relationships should have some give and take on both sides.  Unfortunately, this sounds like work with someone maintaining a scoreboard.  Therefore, because people are lazy, they take the easy way out and say love is unconditional.

Love is unconditional, however, people are not.  And when two people decide to be together, things happen.  It is a clash of personalities, beliefs, and needs.  It is also territorial warfare.  But seriously, <insert title here>.

Relationships are like sweating.  You have to put back in what is taken out.  If I am constantly giving love, attention and affection, it has been said that if I truly love and believe that I would not expect anything back.  That is not true.  If I do not receive any form of love, affection and attention, then I would feel unappreciated, and very much like an idiot.  So is it really unconditional?

Sheer nonsense.  Relationships are like sweating.  You sweat to cool your body to an optimum temperature.  Doing so means that you lose water and electrolytes.  If you do not replace the water, you become dehydrated.  If you do not replace the electrolytes in your body you can suffer from

nausea and vomiting, headache, confusion, lethargy, fatigue, appetite loss, restlessness and irritability, muscle weakness, spasms, or cramps, seizures, and decreased consciousness or coma.

– Wikipedia

So, tell me again how love is unconditional and asks for nothing?  Poppycock.  Relationships, like sweating,  require balance and if you truly love, then you will find a way to create said balance.

– Report mature post (not add one)

Boy do I feel a little silly!  In relation to my ‘add mature post’, that’s, um, not what the link said.

As you can see from the title, I clearly read the wrong thing and went off on a tangent.  When I was done laughing, I realised something: have you ever realised that if you see a rare sight you tell everybody?  With the internet being what it is these days, and the majority of comments being “FIRST”, and a myriad of chain comments, REPORT A MATURE POST!

It is a rare sighting and would be refreshing to all concerned.